LIFESTYLES by Ronda Gates Weekly Message
Weekly Gems from Ronda Gates.


Self Esteem and Spirit


I am continually intrigued with the concepts of self-esteem, self-respect, self-reliance, self-confidence and self-assurance (among others). Are they the same? Can we have one without the other? If we have one, will that automatically trigger acquisition of the others?

These are a few of the questions that have been racing through my mind in recent months as I attempt, on paper, to describe the role inner beauty plays on our outer beauty (and vice versa) as I generate text for my forthcoming book, Beauty, More Than Skin Deep.

I believe that positive self-esteem is an essential requirement for a fulfilling, meaningful, beautiful life. Few of us are passive receptacles for others views of us so our self-esteem can be fostered externally by others-"Good job," "I like you," "You are a winner," or our personal self-concept-"I'm O.K." "That was good enough," "I did the best I could under the circumstances." Likewise, negative comments erode self esteem unless we are sufficiently self -assured and self-confident (assuming those doesn't cross the line into defensive grandiosity or arrogance).

Regardless, to be truly beautiful, in the same way we must breathe for ourselves and think for ourselves, we must also believe, deep in our heart of hearts, that we are not worthless. Knowledge, skill, material possessions, parenthood, charitable endeavors and cosmetic surgery can indeed make us feel better about ourselves. Likewise, projecting an image of beauty, assurance and poise can fool people most of the time, but we must, in the end, find our beauty within ourselves.

That "within" place is deep inside. It can't be physically seen or touched but it is mentally and emotionally palpable. Thanks to Oprah Winfrey's effort, many of us know its name: spirit.

If you want to touch that spiritual place, capture your inner essence and connect it to your outer beauty you have only to pay attention. Whether you have embraced it or not, it is that part of you that knows the difference each time you must choose between right and wrong.

If you haven't heard and met your own inner voice here is a glimpse of what it sounds like. Pretend you are on a diet. You've made a commitment to avoid sugary fat desserts. Soon the test comes. There is a piece of cake ready for your enjoyment. You reach out. Succumbing to an urge that flies in the face of your commitment awakens that place inside that thrives when you live in tune with it and tempers the potential for good self-esteem when you don't. In order to eat the cake you must ignore, quiet, shut down, literally "stuff" that voice-it is your spirit talking to you.

Being truly beautiful is about the ability to respond actively and positively to nurture that inner guide. Pause, take a deep, stress-reducing breath. Listen. You will hear it: that soft inner voice is the seed from which your self-esteem and spiritual self blossoms. Now it is time for you to do the work to nurture and grow it into a vibrant you.

One of my great teachers challenged me to spend 24 hrs without talking about anyone or anything unless I had something positive to say. I learned to listen-to the world I found myself, silently now, paying attention to. And I heard something going on within myself that I could have heard long ago, had I quieted down and attended to what was really going on. I heard the ongoing struggle between my very loud ego and that soft inner voice which, when I act in concert with it, allows me to be true to myself. That silent, enlightening whole day and night I met a beautiful new friend: the authentic Me. Once I learned to be a true companion to my spirit it became easy to live with integrity and purpose. And when I do that, a bad hair day, bloating, abs that aren't flat or any of the other physical outer things that used to temper my sense of self can't destroy my smile and the inner beauty that gets translated, for me, to the outside.

Even if you don't know it yet, you are beautiful. You are the piece of cake. The outer stuff is icing! It makes the cake better but without it the cake, still, is delicious. You are too. Now, go feed your self-esteem.




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LIFESTYLES by Ronda Gates
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