The holidays are supposed to be a joyous and happy time for everyone, but the stress, for some, can make it a troubling time of the year. As an observer of behavior I'm often struck by the stress-inducing language people use on a daily basis that can get worse at holiday time. One of my most popular lectures is, Stress-A Humorous Perspective on a Serious Subject. In it I run through some of the irrational thoughts that are a natural part of too many every day lives. For example, do you spend too much time:

• living with an unrealistic sense of urgency ("I must get this done now");
• worrying in the past (you can't change it);
• worrying in the future (do you really know what is going to happen?);
• labeling yourself ("I eat so much at every party" or "I'm so fat");
• overgeneralizing ("I don't have a thing to wear," or "I have to do everything");
• awfulizing or catastrophizing ("The holidays are always a disaster" or "What's the point of making a New Year's Resolution-I never keep them");
• shoulding on ourselves ("I should have bought her a nicer present" or "I should be able to give as nice a party as this");
• self-demeaning thoughts ("I'm no good" or "I can't do anything right");
• refusing to say "no," or "I've had enough" or "I choose not to do that."

Ever heard the saying, "Get off my back?" Get off your own back. Stress is inevitable. How you manage it is not. Every day you have the choice to let it drag you down or boost you up. Why choose to be fatalistic when life can be fantastic? The media is filled with inspirational and motivating stories of people who overcame adversity by changing their mind or changing their life, who chose to be visionaries instead of victims and decided that a negative experience did not have to define their life.

Year 2001 is fast approaching. If you prefer a "starting line" you have an opportunity to make January 1 a pivotal point for YOUR behavior change. Listen to your language. Listen without judgement. If you hear yourself saying something you would find ridiculous coming out of someone else's mouth, you may be a candidate for change. Perhaps, in doing so, you will become inspirational to others.

P. S. Remember, stressed is desserts spelled backward.