If you have ever discovered that someone you thought you could trust was not trustworthy or discovered that someone who made a commitment to you cannot keep it, you know how awful betrayal feels. Betrayal precipitates anger, an emotion that covers pain.

Righteous anger can mobilize us. It can get us off the dime when we are in a situation that is threatening to our physical, mental, emotional, social or spiritual well being. Immobilize or "stuff" the anger and life can become a roller coaster that is damaging to physical, mental, social, emotional and spiritual health.

Since our culture doesn't support the expression of anger by women chances are if you encounter an angry woman you will hear (in your head, or by others) her described as "too emotional" or, perhaps, a "bitch." Men who don't stand up for themselves or fail to express anger are called a wimp or wuss. Regardless, both men and women suffer when they can't express anger appropriately.

The appropriate expression of anger is a learned skill. If lucky, we learn it as a youngster from parents or caretakers who are also responsible for teaching us how to appropriately express happiness or sadness or any of the many other emotions and feelings that are an inevitable part of daily life.

Many years ago, I attended a workshop given by psychiatrist Helen Lerner, author of THE DANCE OF ANGER. In the workshop we were given guidelines for dealing with anger. They are posted on my web site: http://www.rondagates.com under the SMART BEHAVIOR button.

After you acquire skills (which require practice, lapses and failures before you have lots of success) for appropriately expressing anger the next step is the just as hard to do piece of the puzzle described as "letting go." You "let go" by learning and practicing the next lesson, forgiveness. Without forgiveness it is impossible to walk around with a light heart. Forgiveness doesn't mean putting yourself in a situation where you will, once again, be betrayed. It does give us the ability to chose whether it is worthwhile to re-forge some level of trust with the person who betrayed you-even when it is yourself.

If it is true that we get back two-fold what we give out, choosing a positive attitude that includes healthy expression of anger and, the subsequent letting go or forgiveness can assure a life that is happier, healthier, more secure, and more prosperous.

This week, attempt to find the ability to GIVE as beFORe (forgivness). You'll never regret it.