After attending a lecture that presented information about conflict resolution I came away believing that although many of us dislike confronting others about unsatisfactory behavior or giving people messages we believe they won't like, it's important to stop worrying about whether someone will like or dislike the messenger and focus on skills on how the message is delivered. In short, it's nice to be liked, but it's more important (and satisfying) to be respected. And, although it takes some effort it's possible to get there if you develop the following skills:

• 1. Increase your competence. Even when people dislike someone, they will often admit to respecting their competence in their area of expertise. Spend time improving your ability to do the task that makes you an expert (and good example) capable of delivering the good or bad messages people need to hear.
• 2. Use common courtesy and good manners. Giving direction without taking the time to learn a person's name or something about them or using the words "please," "would you mind," or "thank you," is certain to set the stage for an "if you don't care about me, why should I care about you" attitude.
• 3. Speak up rather than smolder. All the good manners in the world are of no use if you can deliver your message clarity. Don't say what you don't like about what's already been done; say what you'd like to see in the future. That gives you a platform for negotiation if there are differences.
• 4. Take the time to think through what you've got to say beforehand so you say it well. It can make the difference between a successful and unsuccessful interchange.
• 5. Simply say "stop" to yourself if you discover you're worrying about whether or not someone will like you when you deliver bad news. Shift your focus to your desire to express competence, good manners and being succinct and on point. You'll earn the reward that might matter more than any other: You'll respect yourself.